(That would be actual fools, not pranks. :) )
Phil is sick, so we've had the lesser guards as replacements this week. Today we have the very nice, fairly competent one with the so-so English skills who is just INSANELY soft-spoken. No wonder this guy didn't listen.
The guard came down to tell me (very quietly) that there was a guy sleeping upstairs and he'd told him 4 times to wake up and leave but (unsurprisingly) he just kept on sleeping. So I went up and sure enough, a seriously unattractive specimen was slumped in a chair, drooling. So, I rapped on the table in front of him and told him loudly that he needed to leave or I'd call the police. Being loud enough to get his attention did the trick and he soon left, belching as he passed the desk. But he came back a minute later and headed upstairs, looked like he'd forgotten his hat. With him was another charmer who threw a paperback on the desk and muttered something about "Sitting up there and people F**in' banging on desks." I called after him that it was because "people" were SLEEPING, sir but happily he just left without further comment. Paperback not withstanding, I think your presence in the library was due to the fact that it's raining today rather than your love of literature, buddy.